Love is a very subjective word to define. It means different things to different people. However, some things always remain common. One of them is increasing certain hormones and neurotransmitters, making us feel happy, euphoric, lower stress levels, making us feel like life is good and tension-free. It also involves increasing oxytocin or the love hormone level, making us feel like life is good and tension-free us feel secure and safe. When we experience heartbreak, our bodies go into withdrawal. We experience fatigue, changes in sleeping and eating patterns etc. we crave those hormones and the activity of neurotransmitters.
But love is not purely biology. Love is also shaped by the various psycho-social phenomenon and cultural rules and practices. These rules and practices influence how we fall in love, how we express love and even who we can fall in love with. They also dictate the age, gender, and number of people one can fall in love with and maintain a relationship with. In some cultures like South-East Asian cultures, the parents decide who the person will marry and thus have a romantic relationship with. There are also many types of love. Romantic loves, brotherly love, parental love are some of the major types of love. Romantic love is the kind of love between two people who want to marry and be each others’ companions. Brotherly love mostly involves the love that siblings have for each other. It is a nurturing, possessive bond laced with friendship and humour. Parental love is the bond that parents share with their children, and it is usually a caring and affectionate bond.
Love also is believed to be experienced differently at different ages. 50% of people have had at least one relationship before the age of 15[1]. Adolescent love is usually a little more intuitive, impulsive and exploratory. The desire and efforts to compromise and make a relationship last comes after a few years, almost when the person is a young adult. Adolescent relationships root in peer pressure, curiosity, wanting to fit in, among many other causes. They are one of the major reasons for counselling among adolescents. They leave the adolescent themselves feeling like their life has ended. These initial relations are really important as they shape the way adolescents feel about their later partners and how they view romantic love. Love experienced later in life is based on more concrete reasons and is thought of as permanent. There is a desire to have their partners approved by their families, friends, and society. Sharing of finances, homes and emotions is very common, and there is marriage on the table. However, In this relationship, both partners are cautious. First, they test waters and are overall more realistic and practical. There is also a desire to be with someone in between the two age brackets mentioned above. This is a brief period where the expectations are high and fairytale-like, and this phase does not last long.
Circling back to culture, culture defines what our partners are like, what genders they are off, and what age group. Talking about Indian culture, it does not approve of an older female with a younger male. It does not approve of a romantic relationship outside of one’s caste or religion. It does not approve of relationships with a person of the same gender. All these stereotypes are “rules” which cause an individual a lot of stress and makes them feel as if they are not wanted and accepted, and there is something wrong with them. Many unethical therapies and practices are practised even today where children as young as 12 are subjected to shocks, viewing of pornography etc. People cannot express openly their preferences even today, and terms like meetha are still used as a slur to address a gay man. Couples marrying without parents’ approval are often victims of honour killings. So is love actually as accepted as it seems?
Change, however small or slow, can be seen in society. With the onset of media platforms, the internet and exposure to information, the mindsets are changing. People can see the lgbtq+ community, follow them, gain more information about them, and correct their views. Similarly, pages like Humans of Bombay and Faces of Bengaluru bring the stories and experiences of people in love and create a space to discuss and learn. Most of all, the newer generation parents and leaning towards an open, gender-neutral upbringing facilitate the change in the mindset of people about love, relationship, and lovers. Remember the chemical changes after a heartbreak? Our brain adjusts to the quantities of hormones and neurotransmitters, and we feel better really soon and jump back stronger, hopeful and happy. And thus, love in different forms prevails.
References
Price M, Hides L, Cockshaw W, Staneva AA, Stoyanov SR. Young Love: Romantic Concerns and Associated Mental Health Issues among Adolescent Help-Seekers. Behavioral Sciences. 2016; 6(2):9. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs6020009